i am so hoping to get a camera soon; I want to take pics and show my wonderful sites! I love where I live, the open sky and flat lands; mountains off to the distance just out of site, but ever so close.


Right now Jack Frost is painting one of those, ones in a life time, pictures across closed windows, with the breath of warmth he runs and hides, awaiting for his crystal brush strokes to cool and glide once more.

I hope to catch him in the act, and share them with the world.

Strong Women

I want to be a Strong Women
I am strong
I am caring
I am hopeful

I want to be a Strong Women
strong in action
strong in life

Lord grant me the strength
to get through this hurt...

What is life?

Life is but moments strung together and pathways built. Hold fast to the moments that make you laugh and they will help you through the ones that don't. Make sure to stand in the moments that make you speechless, they will help you through the moments that leave you confused. Don't be afraid to jump, just make sure you look first. And the ones I am trying to learn is to accept advice and breath.

I dream...But you are still not there...

I remember when my foster mom passed (Nov 09/02), for years and still to this date I would have dreams of her, and being at home. She was always coming home, but just as she was to get there I would wake up. Last night was the first of those dreams about James (Dec 16/11). In my dreams I would be doing something and need to get home to do something with him; but as I got there, I would wake up. Each time I fell back to sleep I would start this journey to getting home to him, and each time I would wake before he was there. In my dreams I can smell, I can touch, I feel everything.... but I can not make it to the moment when they are there. The dreams about mom, hurt and I would be shaken and upset for many moments after; James would hold me or wake and find me sitting there lost. He was there for me even if he was half asleep. My problem is that now; they are about him. Last night I did not shake or cry or run from the dreams; at first I thought that was good, tell I kept having them. It is like I am searching for him and hope to find a moment of him. It is always just out of reach. And so in my waking hours, I cry, and he is not there to comfort me. Our last months were so full of ups and downs; and unsure moments of what to do and whys. Now I am just left with why and hows. I don't like this path my life has gone to. I have complained about hurts and fears and what seems like silly things before; but this pain... this pain is far more hurt and all consuming then anything I have ever felt before. I loved my mom and it hurt when she was gone, I felt lost, and scared. This loss is far different then that one. This one rocks everything about me. It rocks my future plans, it questions past beliefs, it leaves me empty. I had a dream that I wanted to share with James; a hope for what could be... know I am left to share only the dreams behind closed eyes. I dream.... But you are still not there....