Almost a new year

Time has gone by fast yet again. 

So much change in a year and nothing to build on. 

All new beginnings again. 

I still want the same thing as last year. 

I tried and thought I was on the way...

I want to fall in love,

I want to share all this I have in me. 

I want to loose this weight,

Get healthier and feel better. 

Paint, sew, knitt and be creative. 

I am truly blessed...

Have daughters, a roof over head. 

(I remember a time when I had neither of these)

And so many things to enjoy. 

Well this year may not have ended with all it started with. 

There are pieces missing that where there the years before. 

However...

I will take a joy in finding out what 2014 has to bring!!

Hope your Christmas was wonderus and your New Year full of joy. 

Sunndae Langston 

Been awhile

Been some time to try to heal again;

Still hurts, the lies and games that where played...

But here is what's new...

I'm sorta back with Kris;

Well we are talking and have hung out again. Plans have been set to hang again. 

My kids are good and growing still. 

Pets all good but my fish, he moved on. 

House is coming together and veh is working well. 

So I am trying to be greatful and glad to be able to try again! 

Sunndae 

Broken

The heart is amazing. It keeps on beating even when it is broken beyond repair. 

I gave what I thought was everything

This one time

This time.

But I must have somewhere kept a piece. Cus it still beats. 

No matter how much pain, it beats on .

I'd say maybe its my soul that is broken.

But I gave that to God and he takes great care of it.

My mind no, that is lost.

My body hurts and feels the pain run through like shards of of broken glass.

But broken it is not.

So I guess my heart can't be a broken,

For I'm sure it's not made of glass. 

But something inside of me

Some place special

Some place, I shared only with ...

That is what is broken, shattered

Unable to be repaired. 

Sunndae

Re-thinking

I'm glad I got it out. Well I have before but this time I stayed calm and very true to me. It was by text and no talking just a passing of words back and forth phone to phone. 

But there was some hidden truths passed without the words. The lack of words written. The cruel left out words of love and desire. Just retort of what has been said before. The same thing just different sentences. 

If one can be so cruel now... Will it not be again??? Could I go again and feel this hurt and cruel nature. 

No answers did I get, but release of this mind twisting fate. 

The truth is... Only he has. 

The pain is mine alone. 

There will be so much more pain to come.  And then the healing will finally start. 

It's not just up to him if he gets to be apart. This truth I must remember, or destroyed I will be. 

Sunndae 

I remember

I remember when you couldn't wait to say good morning...

Shattered

I came to you with a torn heart,

It was bruised and had some scars,

I told you about the the marks and you

   helped to bend some parts I could not reach, the ones so deep. 

You fixed it up nice,

I was glad for the help. 

I handed over

This new fixed heart

Gave to you

You took it with a smile. 

I had no idea

There where no signs

No warning!

I did not know

You where going to shatter it. 

And here I am

Empty inside, 

Trying to find the parts

You kicked across the universe. 

I came to you with a torn heart

I did not know

You would help to mend it

I did not know

You intended to smash it

There was no warning

There was no sign

Just pieces

Scattered across the universe

SUNNDAE

Unwanted

Why???

It hurts so much to fall in love

Only to feel so unwanted. 

No reason to why he changed

No reason to what has changed

No reason to anything. 

All I know is,..

Slowly he is pulling away. 

No touch, no play on words...

Just nothing. 

Now I can't even cuddle on the couch. 

There are no more excuses of tired or stress. 

Just silence and kiss good bye. 

Soon that will be gone too. 

I feel so empty. 

Sunndae Langston

Silence

I wish I knew the words...

To let you know how I feel.

I wish I could trust...

That what I want to say,

   will not hurt me more.

I wish there was more time,

  time like before,

    when you wanted me

But now there is silence...

Moments passing without words. 

No more touch,

No more glimmer in your eye. 

You say all is good between us...

I guess that's true! 

What could be wrong...

  when you stopped looking at me.

I feel so blue...

I'm lost with the knowledge,

  that you don't want me

    like I want you. 

I miss you

I miss us 

There is just silence,

  with no end in sight. 

Still on my mind

You still cross my mind

You make my heart stop. 

So many questions to be answered

Never will be answered. 

I'm free from the hurt

But not from the pain. 

Why could you not have 

Why could you have. 

You still cross my mind sometimes. 

Ummm..

So a thought just raced through my mind! My boyfriend and I are the same age apart as my daughter and his son!!
Funny how they are so far apart in age, yet he and I seem so close in age.
Ummmm.... Ok

Acceptance

I have tried to start this so many ways... But have no beginning to give...
It just seems like it was always there...
Hidden under a vail... Just out of view.
I wanted what I was not ready for!
And then all came to be and here I sit...
Accepted...

Sunndae Langston

Breath

I'm grateful for those small moments where we can just breath.
Just moments ago,
I was spent....
to tired to fight anymore.
But then words from a love one...
changed my view...
helped me move past.
In a moment...
I got to breath.

Sunndae Langston

Rules to being strong

1. Be born into hell
2. Don't ever run
3. Learn to smile
4. Never let them see you
5. Smile a lot
6. Make short cut to hell
7. Walk with your head up
8. Love/Live with no regret
9. Move on quickly
10. Remember to smile

Pain will always be there. And so will Joy.

Sunndae Langston

The EX...

So I got to come face to face with the ex of my boyfriend.
I have been respectful and passive, when it comes to her.
Even though she tried to push my buttons and lied.
I can understand the pain I saw in her eyes, after all...
It must be hard to figure out she blow it with a caring man.
But that time is over for her,
now it is our time.

I enjoy him and his family. As he enjoys mine.
Together we plan and we build our future. Thank you my friends for the love and support you have shown me.
It's been a bumpy ride through the last few years.
Lots of big changes and growth.
Life lessons that hurt like hell,
And wonderful new beginnings ...

Sunndae

Sugar Rush

Eat too many candies....
Mind gets all fuzzy
rushing thoughts...
Dumb thoughts fill up empty places,
rushing through with vengeance.
Don't get it, don't understand...

Eat too many candies ....